Dead in the water

I remember the way your lip curled when you smiled.
                    I remember you caught me when I fell.
       I remember being in your arms.
                                            the world stopped spinning.
                           I remember not wanting to leave.
                You said you'd be back soon.
  Life happened. Ticking tick tock tick tock tick tock. I would stare at the clock. Taking a test and all I could think about is what I could have done to make you stay.                                       
All you can do is wait for his return...
                all that waiting for something that wasn't there in the first place.
I remember you told me it would be okay.
I remember you told me you'd be back one day.
But you left me here to stay.
Emptiness. Loneliness. Too focused on Yesterday.
Everyday your thoughts consume you with what could have been.
You try to find a way out of your own mind.
A boy you thought you loved, turned out to be a love you couldn't win.
       Hanging over the edge of your own mind.
              Focusing not only on what you had but what you can find.
                   I can't replace your love.
                        Still waiting for that feeling.
          That tingling feeling I get in my throat that spreads throughout my entire body and I just can't seem to get that with anyone else. An explosion of happiness fills my chest when I was with him. My toes seemed to go numb walking towards him. My eyes were fixed on his. Staring at someone I thought was mine. I walked one step towards him and he walked two steps back. Gone never to return. Not for me at least. Heart pounding tear wrenching agony. What next.
                   Wait for that feeling.
                    again and again and again.
                   Will it come?
                    Maybe in disguise.
                   Disguised as a friend.
                   That feeling I got with him however,
                   will never end.