I choose to stay

Why are you here? Good question. Is it to  win a spelling bee? Is it to sleep all day? Get a good act score??? Are you here because of God or something else? Well that's a discussion for another day.  

Your purpose on this earth is not yet fufilled until your last dying breath. 

Why do YOU chose to stay in this life?

I choose to stay because I have a future family waiting for me. 

I choose to stay because I love watching movies.

I choose to stay because the best parts of my life haven't even happened yet. 

I choose to stay because I can't help people I love if I'm gone.

I choose to stay even though high school was rough. 

I choose to stay because i like the butterflies I get around you. 

I choose to stay because I have a mission to serve. (Even if it's just a short 18 months)

I choose to stay because my grandma isn't ready for me yet in heaven.

I choose to stay for the little moments that make me feel alive. 

I choose to stay because without pain we wouldn't feel joy. 

I choose to stay for the crappy days at work when your manager yells at you for wearing rad socks.

I choose to stay because I want to make a difference. 

I choose to stay to see my niece watch frozen 100 times in a row

I choose to stay because let's face it someone needs you. And you need them...

We help each other out. And with kind words exchanged. Maybe a compliment or two, you could see how beautiful this world is and how much more beautiful it is with you.

 

True passions don't pay the bills kids

What I've learned in these past few weeks of college is that you have a lot of fun but at the same time you work your butt off doing general credits that don't associate with your major at all. Ridiculous right? Now I'm just complaining. 

Here's my real problem. 

Whatever you are truly passionate for you have to throw that idea to make room for a financially stable job.

You can't be a writer and support a family. 

You can't support a family based on your passions.

Why is that? 

We sit and wonder what it'd be like to do what we love but remember what dad said when he said, "you need to get a real job and throw away that silly childhood dream"

We're taught that all you need in life is love. 

If that's true why is there so much sorrow. 

If all we need is love then we should be able to pursue what we love.

There should be enough jobs available to do what you love. 

But in the end it's all about money and greed and putting dinner on the table. 

You get your education and make your parents happy but don't forget what truly matters. 

Passions. Love. Life. 

Another real talk

In my other real talk you read or if you were in class for the slam poetry final heard me talk about high school and the struggles or frustrations that comes with it. Trying to find yourself in a crowd of lost souls isn't easy. Trying to impress mr. Nelson with some words on a computer screen made you feel good enough in this big world. Until we all graduated and now realize how big this world really is. Then all of a sudden girls are getting married left and right. You see old high school friends dying or just old memories fading. What we thought was hard actually was easy. We wanted out of high school because we thought it'd get easier. Now the grades actually mean something. The grades you get determine whether your future family eats. You have to put in long hours studying just to get a job with more hours and it just never seems to end. Hours and hours of stress and sadness so what does that leave us in the end? Sure we have things like love...the thing we still can't comprehend because stupid high school boys ruined it for us. We are expected to be adults just because of the number 18. One year older and wiser too? I think the birthday song should say one year older and going crazy isn't something new. My mom expects so much out of me, my dad gets mad at everything I do, my sister still treats me like crap but theirs nothing I can do. Growing up is a part of life they say. I just want to watch blues clues and having the only thing to worry about is how to tie my shoes.

The chase

First it was you. 

The chase was for me you had your eye on the prize and it caught me by suprise. 

I thought you were a little bit strange but my curiosity for you was infinite.

Still I continued to have my guard up. 

I wasn't sure if this would just be another game. 

Until I got that first phone call that's when it all changed. 

Your silly nicknames and humor only kept me wondering. 

Who is this guy? 

Is he just messing with me or is this real cause I was drawn to him like it was no big deal. 

I sat there wondering it was probably a joke and I thought I was right. 

Soon after the talking had ceased of course I thought nothing of it because I thought it was just a fling. 

Until I heard a ring ring. 

It was him just asking how my day was and I was just fine. 

He'd ask me to go kite flying but instead I declined. 

My feelings were numb and I thought all hope was lost. 

Until one day I got a few short messages that I would never toss. 

I hope you enjoy all this cheesiness cause it's what I couldn't get enough of.

Hey darlin, I know sweet talk doesn't work on you so I won't even try- but know this: you occupy my mind all day. Goodnight baby girl. Expect a nice long phone call tomorrow from yours truly XOXO

Beauty queen, you would be proud to know that i'm spending all my time studying real hard lately so I can become successful and marry you and build you a big house and take you on fancy vacations...I just have to pass this calculus test though! Goodnight shawty! Should we meet in my dreams as usual?

At this moment 13.7 million people are sleeping, 12.3 million are falling in love, and 14.1 million are still awake doing whatever. & the most sweetest girl ever ;) is reading this message goodnight Kate... And have a great day tomorrow luvr. :)

Wow! You are good with words. Is this like a tag team? Now I get to go? I could be so lucky to get to spend more time with you! You are beautiful, yes- that's obvious...but you have something real unique that draws people to you, i'm drawn to you. By now you've figured out that I can be kind of a flake, all the girls in SF coulda told you that. But I like you Katiegirl, it makes me happy to be by and talk to you. Let's make that happen more! You made my day

Haha goodnight text are overrated... And super cliche      so this is my good morning text beauty queen. :) I hope you wake up (even though you dont need that beauty sleep) energized for the day. You deserve something great to happen to you... I bet youll sing to the birds princess Kate. Goodmornig k-swizzle

Soon I got caught up in other things and all of a sudden the chase reversed.

 It was me wanting you but not you wanting me. 

To be honest I never thought it would get to that point. 

I didn't think you cared anymore but then we shared one last kiss. 

It was silly and to be honest I was actually pissed. 

But my heart raced more than ever with just one kiss.

I couldn't put my finger on it, what I was feeling. 

We talked in the car for hours and I saw a side to you I'd never thought you'd be revealing. 

That funny guy everyone loves was vulnerable when I thought it wasn't possible. 

That's when I knew he was the best option for me. 

It's to bad it couldn't work out for me.

It was his time to leave and serve his religion leaving me behind with some bread crumbs and pigeons. 

I didn't say bye against my own will I was stuck with so many questions. 

I kept on asking my self is this real? 

No goodbye, no chance to say how I feel. Now I have to wait 2 years to tell him that the love I have for him is real.

Too many goodbyes not enough hellos

We are at that point in our lives where we seek for affection. 

There is a problem with this. It's also the worst time to hold on. 

Holding on to something that's just barley in your grasp. 

You think it will be there forever then it will just be a memory that you'll look back on and be like that's what it was like to be in love. 

Real love. 

Not this "honey I'm home crap" no it's hey let's sneak out and look at the stars untill we get caught. 

Let's get lost in eachothers eyes and not lost in our next months rent. 

High school love is real love you just have to learn to let it go

Parents 101

My mom just took me aside and is worries I won't take college seriously because I like to play too much. 

Mom just know:

-You have no idea what I've been going through lately and frankly you're too old to care.

-I just graduated from high school and it's summer aren't you suppose to be having fun? 

-maybe if you'd get to know me you know I can apply myself to anything.

-maybe if you'd go out to lunch with me when I ask you you'd see I'm not some dissapointment silly teenager you claim me to be.

Mom, you got mad at me for taking a nap at a friends house, what's next? 

Honey go pick up your heart

We always here the phrase: 

"Honey pick up your clothes"

"Honey did you feed the dog today?" "Honey do this"

"Honey do that" 

Here's what I here when those words are spoken: 

"Honey did you feed your heart yet today?"

"Honey will you go pick up your heart from the driveway?"

"Honey there's something for you in the mail I think it's your heart"

"Honey don't sleep with your heart on it wastes our money" 

Mom quit asking how my damn heart is and just tell me to do the dishes.